You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm really busy with my period
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