fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
