her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
