I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
