I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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