Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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