I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
