Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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