Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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