cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
