I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
