Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
