Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
