thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
