You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Enjoy the penises
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
