Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
