IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
