I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
