You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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