Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
