with your own penis?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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