i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
