Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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