I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
