I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
