he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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