I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
