after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
