Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
