but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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