you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
