any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
