I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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