i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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