i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
