I feel great
I just peed on a car
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
