Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
