weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
