I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
