You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize