oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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