I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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