omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
