dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
