I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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