Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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