You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
