I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Every concussion has its silver lining
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
