I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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