Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
