two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
