Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
