Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
