Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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