Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
