What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
