I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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