We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
