When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
