one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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