none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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