Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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