No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
