I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
