Having a random hookup so left but love u
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
